The Adventures of Cashew Man issue #9 "Trespassing"

The Adventures of Cashew Man
issue #9
"Trespassing"

As we left off, our heroes, Peanut Man, Cashew Man, and Walnut Man were picked up by the people of the Starship Enterprise 1701-D! And our good old friend, Cashew Man is back to normal! Hurray!!! But what are they up to? Where are they going? Well, we're just going to have to find that out!!!


Data: Captain, we seem to be approaching an alien inhabited area.

Commander Riker: Sorry to interrupt, but, DATA!!! Can't you be a little more specific? ALIENS? What kind of alie...!

Captain Picard: EXCUSE ME!!!! RIKER!!!!! Let's try this again! ..... Data, do you know exactly what the name is for these aliens?

Data: No Sir, No I do not....

Commander Riker: Well let's find this out!

Walnut Man: GOOOOOOOOOOOD MORNING GENTLEMEN!!!! AAAAUUUUUGGHHH!!! How did you sleep Captain Picard?

Captain Picard: eh.... Oh! Hello Walnut Man!

Walnut Man: HHHEEEEEELLLLLOOOOOO!!!!!!! So did I hear that we are entering an alien inhabited area?

(Riker grunts)

Captain Picard: Um, yes. We are going to LAND.

Data: Yes Sir!

Cashew Man: Good Mooornin'!!!

Peanut Man: Good Morning!

Data: We are now landing Sir! The planet is not toxic.

Peanut Man: Are there living creatures on this planet?

Data: So said..... yes!

Peanut Man: Do we have pictures of these creatures?

Commander Riker: (grunts) no!

Peanut Man: Oh. Sorry.

(after they step foot on the ??? planet)

Cashew Man: OH!! I think I see someone!!!!! OH!!! It's a person!!!

???: Hello my creations!!

Walnut Man: Your WHATS??????

???: My creations!

Peanut Man: Who are you?

???: Who am I? HA! I am Hank Selby!

Hank: And is that....... CAPTAIN PICARD???????

Captain Picard: Yes?

Peanut Man: What do you mean "your creations?"

Hank: Huh? oh, I created you. Now um... CAPTAIN PICARD!!!

Captain Picard? YES?????

Hank: COME HERE!!!!

Cashew Man: *peanut man, who is this guy?*

Peanut Man: *i don't know...*

Captain Picard: Pleased to meet you. Do you know what lives on this planet?

Hank: Oh yes! The Schnitzel Sticks! And they have a bad attitude toward trespassers so if I were you, I'd go.

Captain Picard: Are you......a....

Hank: NO!!!!! I'M NOT A SCHNITZEL STICK!!!!! I'M A HUMAN!!!!!

Captain Picard: soooory.....

Hank: Oh no.... here they come!!!!! GO GO GO!!!!!!! WE NEED TO LEAVE!!!!

Captain Picard: Why? .... OH!!!! GOD!!!!! RUN!!!!!!!!!


(While they are in space being chased by the Schnitzel Sticks)

Captain Picard: FIRE FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!

(CRASH!!!!!!! SLAM!!!! BOOM!!!!!!!)

Hank: That will finish them!!!!!

Captain Picard: (sighs) Thank You Hank for what you have done.

Hank: What I've done? THANK YOU!!!!! for taking me with you!!!

Captain Picard: Your most welcome. What were you doing on the Schnitzel Planet, anyway?

Hank: To collect sediment and rock for the Coach Hodges.

Captain Picard: The WHO'S????

Hank: A great man! Coach Hodge

Peanut Man: HEY!!!!! HANK!!!!!! You Created ME??????

Hank: Well, I had some help creating YOU!!!! Matthew and B helped me creating YOU.

Peanut Man: Matthew and B?

Hank: YEP! good friends of mine! But I created Cashew Man and Walnut Man on my own!

Peanut Man: ????????????????????????????????????

Hank: Don't worry Harrison, I'll explain later.

- TO BE CONTINUED -

The Adventures of Cashew Man issue# 8 It's a Small World

The Adventures of Cashew Man

As we left off, Jesus was hung on the cross.....

2,472 years later

???: Data, scan for lifeforms.

Data: Aye, Sir.

scanning.....

Data: Sir, there seems to be 3 lifeforms on this planet.

???: Data, that's impossible, this planet's lifeforms were all killed and swept away, leaving only nuts and crops on it.

Data: Well, I must sa....

???: Data!

Data: Yes, Sir?

???: Shut up

Data: Yes sir.

???: Data, we're landing.

Data: But sir, I must warn yo...

???: Data.....

Data: Sorry Commander...

after they land...

???: Hey Riker! Look at this!

Commander Riker: What, Geordi?

Geordi: These 3 nuts...... they have mouths! AND EYES!!!

Commander Riker: Captain! Geordi found them!

When Captain Picard sees them...

Captain Picard: That is truly disgusting. They seem to have planted in the ground, and have been nurtured by nature to keep them alive all these years.

Captain Picard: Bring them inside

Data: Permission to speak freely, Captain

Captain Picard: Permission granted.

Data: Sir, the nuts... they are heavy......

Captain Picard: Okay, I'll help you with that.

When Peanut Man, Cashew Man, and Walnut Man wake up....

Cashew Man: GNUGH!!!!!!!!!!! errrr.....I feel.... I feel.... great! ah..... But where am I? Dad?

Peanut Man: uuuuaaaaahhhhhh......... er-ugh I'm here, Son.

Walnut Man: UUUUAAAAHHHH....... ah.......... I had the weirdest dream!

Cashew Man: Oh yeah? What was it about?

Walnut Man: Well I forgot..... but I just remember it was weird....

Peanut Man: Well let's get up and fight crime!

Cashew Man & Walnut Man: Yeah!!!!

Cashew Man: WAIT!!!!! PEOPLE!!!!! AAAAHHHH! AREN'T WE SUPPOSED TO NOT BE SEEN BY PEOPLE????

Peanut Man: YEAH!!! BOYS..... ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SLING SLONG BASH BANG POW DOO DOO DOO tsssssssssssssssss...........

Cashew Man: ........I'm shot....... pow!

Peanut Man: You people...... you killed my son.......

Commander Riker: We didn't kill him..... we just stunned him! He'll be okay....

Walnut Man: ...................................................

Peanut Man: okay........ I'm sorry...... We shouldn't have attacked you like this....

Captain Picard: It is okay. We are also very sorry. So what are your names? I am Jean Luke Picard, Captain of the Starship Enterprise.

Peanut Man: I am Harrison Selby, but you can just call me..... Peanut Man!

Walnut Man: I am Jon Vail (Walnut Man). And the one you stunned......

Captain Picard: Wait, let me guess, Cashew Man?

Peanut Man: You nailed it, and he is my son.

Captain Picard: Well.... All of you! What do you think about these three?

Data: Captain, I feel....... let me see.....

Captain Picard: Disgusted?

Data: Yes! Is that the word? Yes! That is the word!

Geordi: So uh.... the peanut is the cashew's father?.....

Commander Riker: I just cannot believe that they speak.

Captain Picard: Peanut Man and Walnut Man, you are on the Starship Enterprise.

Walnut Man: Well is there food? MAN! It feels like 2,000 years since I've eaten!

Cashew Man: aaaaaahhhh!!!!!! uh... uh.... hiiiiiyaaaahhh!!!!!! um wha... huh?

Peanut Man: Son, these people are friendly! Apparently they found us and brought us on their spaceship! We are on the....

Captain Picard: starship enterprise......

Peanut Man: yes! We are on the Starship Enterprise.

Cashew Man: okay.... well is there food?

Peanut Man: Is there? I am famished....

Captain Picard: We will make sure to keep you satisfied....

Walnut Man: Well, can you get started on a double burger fat nut's delight for me?

Captain: um sure! uh...... Riker..... psst...

Commander Riker: Yes?

Captain Picard: What is a double burger fat nut's delight?

Commander Riker: um..... maybe a double hamburger for nuts....... i guess....

Captain Picard: ok thanks..... Alright Walnut! Here it is!

Computer! double hamburger for nuts

Walnut Man: Thank you! not exactly what I meant but okay! mmmmm...... GOOD!

Captain Picard: Same for you two?

Peanut Man & Cashew Man: Sure!

Computer! Make two others!

Peanut Man & Cashew Man: Thank you! ohhhhhh...... THAT IS GREAT!!!!

Peanut Man, Cashew Man, and Walnut Man: SECONDS?

Captain Picard: Of course!

to be continued.....

OPEN

CASHEW MAN IS NOT CANCELED!!!!! :D :D :D

RETIRE

Cashew Man is now canceled.

The Adventures of Cashew Man & Peanut Man... issue seven: GOD is LOVE

CHRIST HAS DIED FOR THEE
Cashew Man & Peanut Man

During LENT

As we left of our character, Cashew Man lost his dear mother. Batman and Robin are gone, the joker has returned, DARKNESS Falls...

Cashew Man: AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Cashew Man: I feel.... I feel..... I feel.....POWERFUL!!!
Cashew Man: I look... I look... I look... like a tyrant!
Cashew Man: And that I am!!!!
???: Not on my watch!
BAM!!! BOOM!!! CRASH!!! SHATTER!!!! CLACK!!!! CLASH!!! SHAM!!!!!!!!!!
........................................................................................................................................................................
Cashew Man: What kind of hero are you.... WAIT!! Don't tell me let me guess..... a SHRIMP! hahahahahahahahaha!!!!
???: Your comedy stinks...
Cashew Man: I don't need any opinions...
Cashew Man: Say.... who are you?
???: I'm Jon
Cashew Man: Well... HI Jon! Want to have a "play" date? AKA KILL DATE
Jon: Again... stinks
Cashew Man: Stinks? .... You think my jokes "stink"?
Jon: yes...
Cashew Man: Here! They took a bath! Happy now?
Jon: I have to admit... that one was pretty funny...
Cashew Man: Well then, don't use "stink"! Use SUCK.
Jon: Pervert!!
Cashew Man: (blushing)
Jon: hehehehehehehehehehe.... I'm not Jon!
.........................................................................................................................................................................
Cashew Man: (still blushing) What do you mean?
Jon: I'm Walnut Man!!!
Cashew Man: You mean you're Pe Pe Pe Peanut Man's apprentice?
Walnut Man: Hey! Have you ever danced with the Devil in the shining moonlight?
Cashew Man: You fought the Joker!
Walnut Man: Of course!!!
Walnut Man: Now your about to get crucified!!!
Cashew Man: Christian eh? Well then get out of here and take your little stupid story book with you!!!!
Peanut Man: Let him go son!
Walnut Man: You mean....
Peanut Man: yep....
Cashew Man: You have 30 seconds.....
Peanut Man: Stop playing!
Cashew Man: 28 seconds
Walnut Man: NO!
Cashew Man 27 seconds
Peanut Man: Boy!!!
Cashew Man 10 seconds
Peanut Man: If your asking for it...
Cashew Man: 5....4....3....2....2 1/2......
Peanut Man: one!
Cashew Man: *********AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!*********

CRASH!!!!

Peanut Man: NO!!! I'm sorry!!! I'm sorry!!! I beg of you!!! Have mercy on me!!!
Jesus: Harrison ....... For this is sinful...
Cashew Man: What the ****?
Peanut Man: But but but but
Jesus:I am serious.... For I am not talking in parables....
Peanut Man: Sorry Lord...
Cashew Man: son of a *****.........
Walnut Man: Are you HIM?
Jesus: You tell me...
Walnut Man: Yes... You are my God! The son of God!
Jesus: Then that is the answer... if you want to have faith in it....For this is a time of sadness.... Christ has died...
Walnut Man: But you will rise!!!
Jesus: Have Faith...

to be continued...

The Adventures of Cashew Man / Peanut Man issue 6 I HATE you!

The Adventures of Cashew Man

As we left of Batman and Robin left, Cashew Mans mother died, and Peanut Man's in trouble! Look out Peanut Man your son is turning evil! bum...bum...bum...bum...bum...BUM!!!!

Part 1

Cashew Man: I can't believe this!
..........................................................
Cashew Man: This is horrible!
....................................................
Cashew Man: Why does it have to be this way?
..................................................................................
Cashew Man: WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME!!!!!?
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cashew Man: huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhh........................................

Cashew Man: Daaaaaaaaaaaad........ Dad......?.........Where is he???
..................................................................................................................
CRASH CLATTER BREAK BOOM BANG BOUNCE CRACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Peanut Man: What???? Son?????
Cashew Man: Why did she have to die?
.................... .............. ................... ........... .... . . . . ............................ ............. . . . . ..................... . . ...
Peanut Man: ................. It happens.....
Cashew Man: WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!? WHO WHAT WHERE WHY AND HOW did she die?!!!?
Peanut Man: She was killed by a man or better known as a finger..... his name was Mr. Tickle Finger.
Cashew Man: WELL HE'S DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Peanut Man: Legend tells it that he is invincible and very powerful; an extreme warrior.
Cashew Man:............impossible.........................
Peanut Man: Well...... there is one way that he can die.... but not anything we nuts, or people can do.
Cashew Man: What do yo mean?
Peanut Man: Summa Summa Hay.............................
Cashew Man: You're crazy! OK You have LOST YOUR MIND!!!!!! GET OUT!, GET LOST, AND GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Peanut Man: If that is what you wish..............................

read part 2 in the peanut man blog!

to be continued.................

The Adventures of Cashew Man / Peanut Man issue 5 Nut Attack!!!

The Adventures of Cashew Man / The Adventures of Peanut Man

As we left off, Batman was captured and thrown in prison. Cashew Man and Robin got Peanut Man to join them. The crazed man was talking about a guy named "Walnut Man." Who is this "Walnut Man?" We might as well find out! duddy duddy duddy duddy duddy duddy duddy duddy ...Cashew Man and Peanut Man Batman too and don't forget Robin! BOOM!!!!

Batman: GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Joker: SHUT UP!!!
???: Let him go.................. uh... well...uh... clown!
The Joker: Did you hear something Batman... something rather... disturbing?
Batman: no...
Cashew Man: (chattering with ???)
Robin: (chattering with ???)
Peanut Man: (chattering with ???)
The Joker: well.... phhhhh! hah...
Cashew Man: LET HIM GO JOKER!!!!!!!!
The Joker: aaaahhhhhh......... aha! .........who are you again.... well... ugh.... CASHEW MAN!
Cashew Man: Yep that's my name.... don't wear it out!
Peanut Man: listen sam... i'll take care of this. this guy looks dangerous.......
Batman: Don't worry! He's just a clown!
???: I gotta go...
Cashew Man: YAH.......
Poison Ivy: Hi handsome.....
Peanut Man: yah... hi... I'm not interested in women....
Poison Ivy: well......
Robin: oh no! RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cashew Man: what?????????
The Joker: HA! HA! HA!!!!!!!!!!
Peanut Man: DESAPARESQUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Poison Ivy: NO!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Peanut Man: heh heh.....
Cashew Man: (swoop! break!)
Batman: (embarrassed) uh... thanks... i'm... free.
The Joker: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! I'll be back!!!!!!!

Part 2

Peanut Man: Uh... son... Sam... Yesterday I got a message from your aunt saying that your mother died.
Cashew Man: WHAT?!!!!!!!!!?
Batman & Robin: We should probably get going now... heh heh...
Peanut Man: ok...sure...
Cashew Man: I can't believe this! I could of saved her! I could have!!! UGHHHHHHH!!!!
Peanut Man: I know it's hard son...
Cashew Man: YOU!!!!!!!!! YOU did this! YOU are a serial killer!!!!! A murderer!
Peanut Man: Son, don't let this get to you to much. You will become those things...
Cashew Man: Shut up! I HATE you! YOU did this!!! I can TELL!!!!!!!! I'm LEAVING!!!
Peanut Man: I'm sorry Dad.... I failed him........
To be continued............